I found out I was pregnant a week before taking a trip to Hawaii. When I looked down at the pale blue line I was overcome by something best described as calm distress. I wasn't ready to bring a child into this world. I had been dating a guy for only a couple months at the time and even though he said all the right things I had this urgent desire to become un-pregnant. It was my body and it was my choice.
Luckily for me I have some amazing and supportive friends who helped me figure out what my options were. What I learned: there are two ways to abort. Surgical and medical. Surgical meant you can't swim, and I wasn't planning on cancelling my trip to Hawaii just because I got pregnant. I ultimately went with medical abortion which involved getting an injection in my arm to terminate the pregnancy. The usual method is to take some pills, insert them up your vagina, and miscarry the contents of your womb, but I was stating my trip in a camper van and I didn't want to deal with a lot of blood without easy access to a bathroom so I held off on taking the pills.
The first week of my trip was a breeze but on the first day of week two I started to feel intense cramps and I realized I was miscarrying!! By this point we were staying on a farm on the Big Island which had a bathroom which was helpful because I bled for a couple days.
On the last day of bleeding I found something hard in my underwear. I inspected it and it looked like a tiny kidney bean covered in blood. It was then that I realized I had passed the embryo. I was shocked and a little disturbed. Since I caught the pregnancy early I expected that I would just bleed out an accumulation of cells. No one warned me about the embryo. I didn't look at it for too long before wrapping it in toilet paper and flushing it down the toilet. I didn’t know what else to do.
At the farm there were chickens and we had a fridge full of eggs to use as we pleased. That same morning that I found the embryo, I pulled out a frying pan and cracked an egg. To my absolute shock and horror, the egg was fertilized! I screamed as though I was dying and the farm owner and my friend ran into the kitchen. I shrieked "The egg was fertilized!!!"
The little red kidney bean came back into mind and stayed there for some time. I’m still not sure exactly what the Universe was trying to tell me but I don’t believe it was a coincidence that I had that experience with the egg the morning my abortion completed.